Hey! We didn’t get any of THIS at the baby shower!
But I know we’ve got a Target gift card around here somewhere…
NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—After decades of coddling young children, Johnson & Johnson unveiled
its new “Nothing But Tears” shampoo this week, an aggressive bath-time product the company says will help to prepare meek and fragile newborns for the real world.A radical departure for the health goods manufacturer, the new shampoo features an all-alcohol-based formula, has never once been approved by leading dermatologists, and is as gentle on a baby’s skin as “having to grow up and fend for your goddamn self.”
August 15, 2008 at 4:47 pm
The only thing that could have made this better was a Scarface from Geto Boys reference…..
August 16, 2008 at 9:21 pm
That was one of the better Onion articles in a long time. “Nothing But Tears”… they need Lance Hendrickson from “Millenium” to do the voice-over for that commercial…
August 19, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Favorite Onion headline ever:
Little Boy’s Prayers Finally Answered: “No”, Says God.”